Wives of WoW

I have spoken to many friends lately (they shall remain nameless), who have expressed concern regarding the amount of time their husbands play World of Warcraft. “Concern” is putting it mildly because they are almost to the point of pure outrage. After all, it is just a game…isn’t it? How is this game a replacement for spending time with your wife? Your child? Completing necessary responsibilities and obligations?

Well, allow me to explain this scenario to both guys and gals who may be reading this and who may be affected by either a nagging wife or a zombie husband.

I play WoW. My husband plays WoW. Sometimes we play WoW together. As far as I can tell, WoW is a fun game that allows unheard of freedom in an MMORPG setting. Other games have since tried to recreate this unique world and economy system that carefully balances each race, class, and profession skills so that any person can craft the character they truly identify with. There are other games that have come close, such as Lord of the Rings online which we switched to for about 2 weeks until we heard WoW calling our names again; but no other game has the staying power that World of Warcraft has. It has the first mover advantage, which means that it has a large base of loyal fans and players who won’t switch even for a free MMORPG.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with World of Warcraft, you can click here to download a free trial or learn more about the game: https://us.battle.net/account/creation/wow/signup/

Okay, back to the issue. Wives are mad at their husbands because they are spending ridiculously long hours playing a game instead of partaking in real life. Here is a list of reasons as to why they might be playing excessively:

1. WoW allows a person to interact in a social setting and play with existing friends or make new friends. What this means: He is getting his social interactions for the day and so he doesn’t feel the need to look further than his monitor for more.
2. Guilds (a group of individuals who will help each other out but only if everyone contributes), groups (short term group of individuals coming together to achieve a common goal), and raids (basically a mix of the two that seek to destroy the enemy at all costs) are all depending on him to be the ultimate tank and take down boss after boss quickly and epically. What this means: Since the game cannot be paused, if he is in a dungeon or raid, then he does have people relying on him and will take crap (in the game world) for ditching out or abandoning. Which is why he might be prone to saying “Oh okay, honey. I’ll do that in a sec” as you hear the incessant sound of mouse clicks.
3. The game really never ends. There are always things you can do in this game to stay busy. They range from simple things like working on professions (skills that make money in the game and boost up armor or weapons), to PVP (player vs player mode where you fight other players in the game instead of monsters in the game controlled by the computer), to creating a whole new character and starting the process over. The original goal was to get a character to the highest level attainable. Right now, that level is 80. What this means: This game will never end. If you are waiting for him to get bored and move on to something else, then that won’t really ever happen. He might cancel his account for awhile but he will most likely come back in a month or two.
4. The “Keeping up with the Joneses’” theory is also another driving force of this game. If you can become the best in your class and have all the best armor and weapons and coolest mounts and rarest items then you will be admired and envied by all those who cross your paths. Unfortunately, there will always be new armor to get, items to make, and rares to find. What this means: If your husband is one of those who is envied for his skill and awesomeness, then most likely he is going to enjoy all of that positive attention and want to keep up on his character to make sure it always has the most updated gear. If your husband isn’t anything special in the game, then he will most likely be spending time trying to get to that point.

So those are just few examples of what he is doing and why. It’s easy for any one of us to get caught up in things and lose track of time. Facebook, myspace, blogger, farmville, TV, reading, nintendo, spending too much time with friends, shopping, and many other things can all deter us from what we really should be focusing on. This game isn’t a bad game. It isn’t destructive in itself, but if you don’t budget your time wisely than you can lose yourself in it and it can become destructive to your life, just like any other behavior that is excessive.

 Here are some things to watch out for with your husband:

1.  If he doesn’t acknowledge you when he is playing and you are talking. If you are having a conversation and suddenly he doesn’t stops contributing and you stop talking and he doesn’t notice…then that’s when you let him know that he is putting his game above his wife. Usually they will feel bad and acknowledge the problem. If not…keep reading.
2. If he is grumpy when he is not playing WoW then he is probably going through withdrawals. The only way to get through that is to find something else to do to keep busy. A small “fix” should be harmful but only if it doesn’t exceed a predetermined amount of time.
3. If WoW is an activity that he does when he has down time, then that can turn into an all day event because you don’t have to do anything that you don’t make time for. 
4. If you let him know that you feel neglected or ignored and he still doesn’t change his behaviors then you have a problem. 

Here are some steps you can use to get yourself heard and his level. 

• First off, talk to him about how you are feeling. Make sure you have eye contact and that you are both not distracted by other things, especially warcraft. If he is playing, then tell him something like “In 15 minutes, I am going to need to discuss something very important with you so don’t make plans or commit to a dungeon.” Be sure you give yourself time to calm down and collect yourself and your thoughts because nothing comes from anger, except more anger. Just make sure you have his full attention, that way he knows you are serious and you feel heard.
• If the behavior continues after you talk to him, then determine your next step. You can try talking again, and again, and again. But as many times as you do that the resentment is also building. Perhaps trying a different approach might work.  Try asking him what he gets out of the game and if there are other ways those needs can be met. Perhaps both of you can work out a schedule for playing and make time do other activities that make both of you happy.
• If after numerous attempts to talk things over and the behavior still is happening, that’s when I wait until he is sleeping and hide his computer and/or consoles. Now he has two choices: listen to what you have to say, or get mad and yell and scream like a 3 year old. Eventually he will have to listen to you in order to get his computer back, unless you hid it under the bed or in a closet where he will immediately find it. At this point, I would make it very clear that he is making a choice between you and a stupid game. what you do and say should come from the heart and out of concern for his well-being.

If you just give up and allow him to continue on with his behavior then it is as much your fault as it is his that you feel the way you do. Do not enable him to continue doing things that make you feel bad.

Another thing to consider is to do things that he enjoys. If you haven’t tried Warcraft then don’t dismiss it as stupid game. It is fun. And if you make an effort to try things that he likes then he will do the same for you.